Laughter Is The Best Medicine

What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?
“Close the door, I’m dressing!”
What do cats call mice on skateboards?
“Meals on Wheels”
What do you get from a pampered cow?
“Spoiled milk”

The reason Politicians  try so hard to get re-elected is that they would ‘hate’ to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed.

Vinny and Sal are out in the woods hunting when suddenly Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. Vinny whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
He gasps to the operator, ‘I think Sal is  dead!  What should I do?’ The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, ‘Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’
There is a silence .. And then a shot is heard.
Vinny’s voice comes back on the line, ‘Okay… Now  what

Two dental students were walking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second dentist replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first dentist nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fitted you anyway.”